@still_a_mama latest post was just so spot on. Wow. 💜. For my boy
@still_a_mama latest post was just so spot on. Wow. 💜. For my boy
#portchestermemorialgardens looking beautiful this #autumn 🍁 I hope you like your flowers Percy, miss you so much my beautiful boy xxx #autumn #november #babyloss #latemiscarriage #triploidyawareness #alwaysloved #neverforgotten #autumnalbeauty #autumnalvibes #flowers #lifeafterloss #bereavement #grief #love #percytheodoredeane #parentingwithemptyarms #whathealsyou
MAMA GUILT| #wednesdaywonderings This little sausage is probably the most resilient little girl I know. She too has probably had the most confusing year and she has shown us to be nothing less than extraordinary. We are deep in the midst of "terrible twos" (which almost always have me hiding in the loo and locking the door behind me, if we had working locks, until the storm has passed) but I think we are doing ok and her little "duddoes" (cuddles) and "I love you mummy" instantly makes my day. I do worry whether the stress on us after the death of her baby brother has had an impact on her. Most probably. Me being me, i'm often riddled with guilt that either of my "in arms" babies are getting the attention they deserve, guilt that the "Bing the butterfly slaughterer" episode is on it's third showing for that day or guilt that I don't feel I've done enough physio with Tommy. That's not to mention the guilt I often feel when I've reached the end of each day without working on the Joes Toes Tribute Fund. It's a constant battle of guilt this motherhood malarky. It's rediculous! Also feeding the guilt monster recently has been wether or not I have been holding her back from potty training because *I* didn't feel ready to. I genuinly thought she wasn't ready, but on Monday evening I felt a wave of confidence (a.k.a guilt) and we stripped her off and went for it. It's early days but she has proven she knows what to do (or that she's driven by the promise of a new peppa toy). But I wish mummy knew what the hell to do! So, to stop yourself from feeling guilty for not helping a mother in need, tell me, what are your best potty training tips? And what process did you follow to get your tiny tinkler (or tiny turd-er) out of nappies? (I'm talking step by step instructions) - GO!
This year we have been given the opportunity to decorate one of the charity Christmas trees at @princesshayexeter - one of our committee members has made these lovely feather baubles in memory of babies who cannot be with us at Christmas time. They are going to look beautiful and it would be lovely to know if anyone spots our tree - do let us know 💛 #feathersappearwhenangelsarenear #inmemory #charitychristmastree #stillborn #stillbirth #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #multiplemiscarriage #sands #babyloss #bornstillbutstillborn #breakthesilence #feathers
Today I'll be facilitating a Babyloss Gathering in Cape Town, South Africa. Mothers, Fathers and Birthworkers welcome 🤗#babyloss #miscarriage #southafrica #capetown #stillbirth #stillborn #earlymiscarraige #doula #midwife #birth #breavementdoula #ectopicpregnancy #molarpregnancy #latemiscarriage #blightedovum #chemicalpregnancy #falsepregnancy #babylosssouthafrica #babylosssupportgroup #supportgroup
FILL THAT CUP | Letting go of control isn't something that I cope with very well. So what happens when control is taken from you? What happens when something is so far out of your control that you barely know how to function? Both good questions that I don't know the answers to yet. There may never be an answer. All that needs to be done is to learn how to function around situations out with our control. (As easy as that 🤔). A starting point is to take a step back. Take a deep breath. Take some time for us. Fill that cup because it is less useful to me, to us, to them when it is empty. I don't always take heed of my own advice for myself, but today we did and it was just what the doctor ordered... What do you do to take some time for you? #thankyougrandparents #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
52,790,400 seconds 879,840 minutes 14,664 hours 611 days It hit me. Today is November 9th. One year and 8 months since he left my body. 20 months since I was pregnant. It doesn't seem or feel real. I always hoped Id be pregnant by now, but it seems life had other plans entirely. All i can hope is that the next 611 days see me healing, thriving, and loving. #miscarriageawareness #latemiscarriage #16weekmiscarriage #anniversaries #deathanniversary #rememberingsigh
LIFE'S TOO SHORT | For decades I've lusted over tattoos but never mustered the courage since "tattoo gate" in Aberdeen back in 2001 (thats another story). I've admired so many friends and strangers bossing their body art, I admire the creativity behind it; the traditional styles, modern styles, styles I just dont understand, all styles alike. I find the artists fascinating. I've been intensly intrigued by stories behind each inking; wether it be stories of love, of loss, of mountains climbed, or mountains still climbing. Stories of regret, of relationships past and present, of ink that seemed a great idea at the time. Everything has a story behind it, even when there is no "story" other than when and where. All of it, to me, is kind of beautiful. If I've learned anything this year it's that life is too short. Short to the point where a heart beated yet breath was never drawn. For Joe, I want to live my life with no regrets and if there are regrets, I want them to be for something I've tried rather than something I didn't. So here it is, our story firmly with me forever. Symbolising our strength, our fight, our solidarity, our adventure, our family, our home, our love and our loss.
We know it’s too early for some, but for those extremely organised amongst us, have you considered donating instead of sending Christmas cards this year? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Take a look at our website with details of how to donate to us for Christmas and receive your own personalised image to use on your social media.
I was never really into flowers. Because they eventually die, I told my friends and partners that I would prefer shoes or lingerie instead! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When my daughter died we were sent so many bouquets that our home was full of them; full of their colour, their scent and their beauty. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I love flowers now and will buy and give them at any opportunity. Just because they die it doesn't make them any less beautiful :) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Tola x Beyond Bea Charity Trustee Photo by Avrielle Suleiman on Unsplash
“My mummy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here”.... 💖 Always Little Miss Hope 💖 🦋 #turnersyndromeawareness #secondtrimesterloss #miscarriage #babyloss #grief #bereavedmother #breakthesilence #1in4 #bethedifference #bereavedparent #ihadamisscarriage #lateloss #pregnancyloss #latemiscarriage #pregnancylossawareness #miscarriagesurvivor #rainbowbaby #mymotherhood #miscarriageawareness #itsokaynottobeokay #poems
🌟 One year ago today we were full of love and joy as we announced Percy's pregnancy 🌟 I can't believe this was a year ago, today also marks 10 months without you our beautiful baby boy. We love and miss you terribly #percytheodoredeane #neverforgotten #alwaysloved #babyloss #triploidyawareness #latemiscarriage #love #grief #bereavement #parentingwithemptyarms
Big shout out to my hubby @running4percy who recieved this lovely thank you note from @sandscharity today for doing The Great South Run and raising over £500 in the process! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported Dave and donated it means so much to us xxx #teamsands #myhero #Sands #greatsouthrun2018 #percytheodoredeane #babyloss #latemiscarriage #stillbirth
If you don't think photos are important, wait until they're all you have left. ♥️ #wishthatitookmorephotographsofus Your song will mean something different to everyone. @professorgreen @ragnbonemanuk ♥️ Just because you move on and create new memories, doesn't mean the old ones go away. The only fear I have is forgetting.❤️ #dontbeafraidtoshare #openup #bereaved #latemiscarriage #stillborn #stillloved #miscarriageawareness #babyloss #ourlittlegirl #breakthesilence #breakthestigma
November 2, 2017. One year ago today. I can say right now that I loved being pregnant. It’s a combination of forgetting the bad stuff like heartburn and being uncomfortable and not fitting through narrow places (😂 apologised to loads of people in cafes) and finally seeing a pregnancy to full term. I had been pregnant twice before only to endure first trimester fatigue and sickness only to have both cut short. With our little boy, I made it to second trimester relief before getting the worst news. I would weep freely and endlessly at the thought of our losses and hope for this little one. Every week that baby girl was kicking inside me was a joyous one. The little ring on my pinkie was inspired by @emmawatson in Beauty and the Beast haha. I wanted a pinkie ring but as I searched, I was desperate to feel hope and optimism about this pregnancy. I found it in my favorite market in Covent Garden. It’s citrine, a birthstone for November. I wore it every day to remind myself that even if hope failed, she would never leave my heart. #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness
Happy 1st Birthday Bea 🐘 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Following 24 hours of induction and labour, on 2nd November 2017 at 14:28 this perfect little girl made her way silently into the world. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ She weighed 1lb 2oz. Her fingers were just like mine, her nose was a perfect button and her legs were long with the most perfect feet. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I haven’t often shared her story publicly through the page but, I feel it’s especially important for families who have had the same experience or may have the same experience to not feel the shame or guilt you can sometimes feel when having lived this experience. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On 10th October 2017, the anomaly scan had suggested that part of Bea’s brain hadn’t formed properly and so a further scan was done in a fetal medicine unit - it was confirmed that everything looked normal but an MRI scan was offered for reassurance. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On 24th October 2017, the MRI scan was done with the results to follow a few days later. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On 27th October 2017, after leaving a shopping centre from buying a few outfits for her and on the way to what would be the new family home to take some measurements, we received a phone call with the results. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I’m so sorry Steph, we really weren’t expecting this” The moment your whole life falls apart on the side of the motorway. We were told that Bea had a diagnosis of Schizencephaly, a brain condition as rare as 1:100,000 (as rare as rocking horse shit as my consultant would later joke with us). This condition would lead to a very poor quality of life, leaving us with the prospects of vast amounts of future surgery, not reaching milestones, pain, suffering and the potential to not survive at a later point in life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For us, this wasn’t an option we could allow her to have. As parents you never want your child to experience pain, to suffer, to not enjoy a life and so we knew that we would have to make a decision. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A decision, a choice, however you put it, it’s none of these. Ending a pregnancy “voluntarily” is none of these. But we had to, to prevent all of this. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ (See comments for the rest of the post)
THROWBACK THURSDAY / TIME TRICKERY | Sifting through the many beautiful photographs of Tommy in neonatal/special care almost always forces me to take a ride in a silver Delorean at 88 mph back to February/March 2018 and I'm always struck by how much Tommy changed in (what may seem like) such a short period of time. . I remember before the boys being born, even before we knew there was an acute problem (which devastatingly was too late) I was so scared and worried about having to spend time in SCBU with my babies, even though I knew it was very possible with them being twins and scheduled to be born at 36 weeks. . In advance I'd done a little research, asked other mummies whos babies had been kept in hospital following birth about their time in neonatal care. They gave me timescales but didn't really elaborate on their experiences (that may have been me blocking out what I didn't want to hear, mummies protecting me from the truth or mummies blocking out what understandably was a very tough time in their lives. I suspect a touch of all three): "My baby was kept in for a few days" "My baby was in for a week" "My baby got home after 4 weeks" I thought, 4 weeks? That isn't a long time really. I could cope with that... . In reality I now know a day in special/neonatal care is more like a week, a week is more like a month, a month is more like a year! On the outside it may seem like a short time, but when you are living it it feels like F O R E V E R! . I absolutely underestimated that. #neonatalbaby #specialcarebaby #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
Thoughts for Thursday... Support (Professionals) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ From the perspective of someone receiving care (I hate the term patient), it’s not always noticeable just how much providing care can affect professionals. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It is also often disregarded by colleagues, managers, mentors and other potential supports throughout the world of healthcare. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s just as important for health professionals to ensure that they are cared for in order to deliver the best care for women and their families, especially in times of bereavement. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Bereavement care affects those caring for families in various ways, these families also often stay with professionals for years as they progress through their careers and with each family they meet. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The professional will obviously never be suffering the same pain, grief and emotion of the family they are caring for, but it’s so important that as colleagues/ mentors, managers, support networks, friends and family that they will still need support. The emotional exhaustion that can stem from caring for a family who are bereaved can be utterly overwhelming. Some care can cause challenges especially when faced with barriers when trying to improve care and change care. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you’re in a position of supporting for staff in these positions - how could you help them? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Could support networks be established? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As an individual do you take time for self care? Do you have someone you can turn to for support? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We rely heavily on those who care for us, if they’re not looked after how do we expect them to provide great care?
On the last day of our #captureyourgrief project for #babylossawareness month we are very proud to share words from Bella’s mummy on #sunset . . “When the sun sets on another day - at the same time every day 16:55 I think of my baby girl, who came into the world too early. We cuddled and kissed her as much as we could before we had to say goodbye a hour later when she took her last tiny breath. Every sunset marks another day I miss her, another day we can’t hold her, another day she isn’t here” 💛
Day 31: Sunset The final day of this challenge. #captureyourgrief2018 A sunset reminds us that beauty is not just in what we see but mostly in what is felt. • 💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟 •Grief never ends... but it changes. It’s a passage not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith... it is the price of love• #amazinghusband #stillbirth #miscarriage #babyloss #latemiscarriage #sunset #beauty #beautiful #human #mindfulness . • #whatdidyoulearntoday #feedbackplease 💌 I’d love to hear your thoughts on my month of #captureyourgrief2018 💌
When your baby dies you have to fight with so many internal questions. The stage of acceptance is long on this grief journey. We were four days away from viability and it breaks my heart nothing could be done for him. I try to limit myself from googling things like this because it can be triggering and lead me down a downward spiral. But tonight reading this actually gave me some peace. Though my doctors said it and I know it, this still helps in this moment. Regardless of if they could intervene or not my little one’s chance of survival was so low. In this grief journey you find something to question and you replay alternate scenarios in your head but none will bring the child you lost back. I have to continue to accept I did everything I could for my son with the limited knowledge I had. If we got him into the NICU that does not guarantee he would have survived. Either way I still just wished my son were here with me. #mybabymatters #latemiscarriage #im1in4 #whathealsyou #stillhopeful #Incompetentcervix #myheartbeatsforejd #babyloss #stillamom #bereavedmother #22weeksand3days #ihadamiscarriage
“Grief never ends. But it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love” Author unknown 💛 thoughts on the #giftoflife , however short, from Louis mum, one of our groups befrienders, for day 30 of our #captureyourgrief project for #babylossawareness month 💛
Once the haze of grief fades a little you love the good things in your life even more. I’m eternally grateful for my friends and family, especially my amazing husband. #grievingparents #pregnacyandinfantlossawareness #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #grief #loss #love #thankful #givingthanks
At our 20week scan we found out our #SmallLittleLion would not survive outside my womb. We choose to spare his suffering and chose a termination for medical reasons. It was horrific. He was born just before a cut off point when a dr would have had to inject our boy to kill him in my womb before he was born. We chose to deliver him quickly so that he did not have to be killed. He died because he was going to die. I was the hardest thing in the world but it was the only decision based solely in love. 💜. He will always be part of our family. He will always be talked about. We will love him for the rest of our days. #21weeks5days #secondson #mybabymatters #saytheirnames #askmehisname #TogetherForChange #timetotalktfmr #tfmr #tfmrTuesday #lowerurinarytractobstruction #stillmybaby #sayhisname #grief #breakingthesilence #FindingTheWords #15babiesaday #babylossawareness #babyloss #stillababy #stillloved #stillamama #stillataboo #miscarriage #earlymiscarriage #latemiscarriage #latefetalloss #sands40 #ARCis30
•I am so B L E S S E D• Yesterday was Ruthie Belle Day .. & if you don’t know what that is or what it means to our family, head over to the blog. We celebrate the life of my baby girl we lost to late miscarriage in 2016. It’s a tradition I will hold in my heart forever! • • • #theperfectlyimperfectmama #cltblogger #cltmama #cltmom #ncblogger #christianwife #christianmama #christianblogger #tribekoko #mysweetmilliejo #coopcoop #ittybittyelliejoy #mybabies #momlife #momblogger #momblog #motherhood #motherhoodthroughinstagram #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness #familyblog #familyblogger #lifestyleblogn #lifestyleblogger #instablog #motherhoodunplugged
Our founder, Steph, attended The Butterfly Awards on Saturday as she was a finalist in the category ‘Inspirational Mother’. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ She didn’t win the award, but as we all know there are no winners in this community and we would all rather have what we have lost than be here. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The night was an incredible dedication to all those no longer here with an amazing audience of those who ‘get it’. It’s often an occurrence that someone in the public won’t understand baby loss - but this is one night where every single person truly knows it from some aspect, even if they haven’t experienced it themselves. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Mel and The butterfly awards team really worked tirelessly to pull this night together and I would encourage anyone who knows anyone they want to nominate for next year to look up the awards and start nominating!
I will never forget the day .. the day when I was only 15 weeks pregnant. The day Dan & I heard the words we never thought we would hear .. “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat.” It was on that May day that we found out that our October 29th baby would no longer be here with us on earth. She was already in the arms of Jesus. I feel my heart healing more & more each day. My baby girl will always hold a place in my heart & a little ache will always be there. Today is “Ruthie Belle Day” ... A day in our home where we celebrate Ruthie Belle’s life. Cooper & Millie Jo woke up so excited today! And this year, Ellie Joy gets to celebrate with us, too! #theperfectlyimperfectmama #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #pregnancyloss #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness
When you’re home with a poorly toddler so you think you’ll do something useful: sort out all the baby gear into pass on/donate/throw out. And it all smells like baby. I would’ve been due this weekend so I would have been doing this anyway I suppose. #itssosmall #pregnancyloss #latemiscarriage #family #grief #ididkeepsomeyouneverknow
We grieve our sons, Grayson and Barloc because we love them. We loved them without even meeting them. Just because it is common for women to miscarry doesn’t make it any less painful. It’s horrible to lose a baby at any stage. I knew my boys I felt them move inside me, we saw Barloc dance around on many ultrasounds. It doesn’t matter how “common” our miscarriage was, pain is pain. Don’t diminish other people’s pain. #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #pregnacyandinfantlossawareness #ihadamiscarriage #grief #grievingparents #loss #pain #love
Day 28: Shadow & Light The saying is “There is always light at the end of the tunnel” What about when we get to the light at the end of the tunnel but now its gone dark again, we’re in a new tunnel that’s narrower. 🚻☘️🌈 #hope #rainbowbaby #ttc #lightattheendofthetunnel #captureyourgrief2018 #blackwhitephotography #photography #photographer #rhodes #stillbirth #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #babylossawareness Photography 📸by @dangoodyart
THE SLEEP STEALERS | Tommy had his first night in his own room and in his cot last night. This picture says it all (by 7.00am I'd given in and brought him into our bed). 7 times he woke up. Could have been worse I hear you say? Yes, but in between those 7 times he tagged his older sister into the ring. The ULTIMATE tag team. "The Sleep Stealers" we shall name them. The pair of them, noisily making their way into the ring, bushwhacker style (old 90s wrestling reference there, get yourselves on YouTube), aaaaaaall through the night to take on "The Mama's and Papa's" for the tag team title. Needless to say Mama AND Papa have well and truly been pinned... 1, 2, 3 ding ding ding! #thesleepstealers #tagteam #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
“With every milestone the memory of you fills my heart. With every birthday, every Christmas, every early morning bed invasion and new school year. Two shiny shoes where there should have been three. My baby who was only in my arms for a wee while will be safely tucked in my heart forever” 💛 #memory for day 27 of our #captureyourgrief project for #babylossawareness month 💛
HE AIN'T HEAVY | Mr T is back on "solids" and his feeds have upped and almost back to where they were before he was poorly. We are getting there. It feels so much better. Rosita loves to help feed her little brother. She may shovel the spoon in to gagging point (must watch that, poor lad) but with some adult supervision, both little ones are very happy. (Yep, Tommy is wearing Rosie's bib) Look at them though, cockles of heart thoroughly warmed... #siblinglove #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
Three months today since I gave birth to you... and you died... I could not miss you more if I tried... I should be on countdown to the day you were supposed to arrive... #babyloss #stillborn #pregnancyloss #latemiscarriage #pprom #grievingmother #heartbroken #mybabydied #iloveyou #imissyou
Today an incredible family are hosting a ball as part of ‘Living for Emily’. They are raising money for us alongside other baby loss charities - the money they raise will continue to change baby loss and baby loss care for others in memory of Emily! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Best of luck with the evening from us at Beyond Bea Charity. We’re sorry we can’t be there!
Losing a baby makes it really hard to see the #beauty in anything. It makes you bitter and angry and resentful. Some days you will hate the person it has made you. Jealous of pregnancy or birth announcements. Wishing it would happen to someone else-before instantly taking that wish back with the horror of imagining it happening to anyone you know, not wanting anyone else to feel this pain. So you will stay at home. You will stay in bed. Searching for stories online of other people who have lost their babies. Not wanting to face the world, let alone risk seeing someone who might not have heard what happened...or bumping into a friend you met at NCT with their newborn baby. You will be so, so angry at whatever/whoever/however this happened to you, you would have loved your baby so much and done everything in your power to give them the best life....everyone else seems to be able to be able to fall pregnant without thinking about it, announce it on Facebook and 9 months later pop a baby out no questions asked. It’s just so unfair. And yet you know that’s not fair on everyone around you. But miscarriage and baby loss picks you up with no notice, slams you back down and makes you face up to the worst imaginable pain - it’s no wonder that it makes us question things, feel angry and find it hard to find the joy we would have been able to feel without thinking before, for our friends and family whose lives carry on around us. . But one day, in time, you will find yourself somewhere incredible, you will smell the salty sea air and stretch your arms out in the sunshine, wondering if you could fly, and you will smile with genuine happiness. Because there is so much #beauty in the world. The loss of a baby makes us stronger, more resilient and compassionate. It teaches us more about ourselves than we knew before and is often the trigger for us to make a change on a personal or professional level that we were not brave enough to do before. There is a Japanese art called “kintsugi” where broken pottery is mended with gold and then treasured, in the same way our wounds & subsequent healing are a part of our history, they are a part of us. Every beautiful thing is damaged💛
Pregnancy after stillbirth, neonatal death or any type of child loss is an incredibly difficult and scary time. When the worst has already happened, it’s overwhelming to go through similar circumstances again. For some parents it’s very hard to plan and prepare for a baby’s arrival and bringing them home when you left a hospital with empty arms last time. We are incredibly proud to have provided a full hospital bag and “at home” kit for a very specially set of parents today. Everything they will possibly need for baby’s first days is included; allowing them to relax a little knowing it is taken care of. This is one of many little ad hoc things we’ve funded to meet needs as they arise and it’s something we hope to do more of in the future. . . To donate or find out more about what we do, please visit www.judahscloud.com. . . . #pregnancy #pregnancyafterloss #PAL #rainbow #rainbowbaby #stillbirth #stillborn #stillbirthawareness #latemiscarriage #neonataldeath #infantloss #childloss #babyloss #babylossawareness
Day 26: Beauty Losing a baby is ugly, the whole event is ugly but when you take time to look for longer rather than walking past you notice all ugly things have beauty about them. Ask me & I’ll tell you the beauty. Losing my son is the ugliest part of my life but meeting my son with my amazing husband is the most beautiful. 💞 Photography by @dangoodyart 📸 #blackwhitephotography #blackwhite #photography #photooftheday #photographer #talentedhusband #beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder 👀 #ugly #taketime #dontbeshallow #miscarriage #stillbirth #babyloss #beautyingrief #darkandlight #contrast #babylossawareness #latemiscarriage #captureyourgrief2018 #essexphotographer #myhusbandmakesmehappy
#who for our #captureyourgrief project as part of #bablossawareness month by Lisa. . “I was the mummy that had to leave her little baby girl at the hospital .... I was the mummy who left a piece of her soul there that day...and I will never have that back... I am the mummy who is truly blessed to have 3 rainbow babies .... but will never forget 💕💕” 💛
EIGHT MONTHS | I cannot believe our wee soldier is eight months old (six months corrected)! Well, over a week ago he was eight months old, but we were having a jolly in hospital then so... I find it so very hard that he is growing so quickly. Partly because it feels we are moving further away from Joe. He is always there, I know, but the longer away we get from when we last saw him the harder it gets for me. Time is a healer? Pfffffft. Tommy is working so hard at the moment. Everyday we do our best to work on his therapy excercises to give him a fighting chance. Everyday I beat myself up that my best is just not good enough for him. Everyday he smiles and proves me wrong. But look at him here. Man is he happy. Through everything this boy has been through he still smiles, no, beams from ear to ear. From head to toe. Carefree. If we can't learn something from that then more fool us. I really should try to be much more Tommy. #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
Day 25 for our #captureyourgrief project as part of #babylossawareness month and one of our committee members Kerry has kindly shared her story. It takes a lot of #courage to put yourself out on this forum, to share the most precious moments and your most treasured memories but we know how much it helps to share our stories and to reassure you that you are not alone. You are not the only one who has felt like this, who is going through this loss and perhaps we can offer a glimmer of hope that it will get easier. . “For a long time after Lily was stillborn I didn’t think it was possible to feel peace. She was my third precious poppet. I knew what should have happened. The pain of labour and the happiness of hearing those first cries. She arrived on Mother’s Day 2016. It was surreal receiving homemade cards and gifts then leaving for hospital. Two years on this photo shows my courage. The intense pain subsides. A day at the park remembering together and celebrating being mama to my three children”. . And we think she is one pretty incredible Mama 💛
🌾🌻🍁🌾🍁Never Stop Believing... Miracle's Happen Dailey🍁🌻🍂🌻🍁 #trustgodsplan #pregnacyandinfantlossawareness #miscarriagesupport #prematurebirth #restinpeacemommysgirls 💕💕💕 #Lakiya #Andrea #Deandra #sunflowergirl #sunflowers #beautifulblessingfromgod #prayer #love #Kiesha #latemiscarriage #lakieshachavondeloatch #luvloatch 🌹 #deloatch #swim #bloom
This photo will seem like a random group of items to most. But, this image is the closest thing that a group of parents ,that are now friends, will have of being able to have a photograph of their babies together. The baby loss community may not be highly heard of for those outside of it, but if you want to meet an incredible group of people who strive for change, I advise you seek it out. As a bereaved parent, I have felt isolated, I’ve lost friends and gained so many. Most of these affected by baby loss themselves, but these are the ones who reach out, who provide comfort, who assure you you’re not going crazy when you have strange thoughts, who hug you when your PTSD causes normal processes to not happen. These babies are each shown in their own individual way - exactly how they should be, their lives may have been short but their legacies live on. Be part of it and share awareness.
I’m not too sure if there is one specific word to describe my feelings the past few days. It’s been five days since our son’s 1st heavenly birthday and I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel. To be honest, I put so much pressure on his due date, 2/18. I thought if I got to his due date I would be good. The day after I found out I was absolutely wrong. So I decided to be very gentle about the expectations I had on me and my husband on his birthday. That morning, 12:01am, we spoke to him and sung him happy birthday. The day was gentle. We visited a park and sat in front of a lake as we read stories to him. We walked around and walked pass a playground. Parents gathered around their little ones. Daddies assisting their sons as they try to tackle the jungle gym. We stare in hope and imagine our family. What today would have been like in an alternate universe? The cake? The activities? Something as simple and enjoyable as going to the park. I am grateful for our loved ones and those who joined us as we remembered him by lighting candles. The words in our card were meant sincerely and I couldn’t imagine where I’d be without this kind of support. The evening of his birthday I prayed for my husband and I. I prayed that today would be the day we would begin to allow ourselves to move forward. Knowing that in doing so we bring his memory with us. We have the right to feel joy + smile again. I know no matter how many children we have, they will never take their brother’s place. As they grow so does he. We will discover him in their smile and in their laughter. Jamie is always with us. Apart of me is afraid of moving forward bc I fight so hard to keep his memory alive. Removing the pain does not remove his memory. Moving forward doesn’t mean we forgot. He exists in our hearts and when his siblings do come we will be parents of two + three and so on. He will always be accounted for. He is ours forever and always! #captureyourgrief2018 #whathealsyou #myheartbeatsforejd #mybabymatters #lifeafterloss #stillamom #stillstanding #stillhopeful #ihadamiscarriage #im1in4 #latemiscarriage #22weeksand3days
A HUGE thank you to everyone over at @bringdigitaluk and Magnum Utilities who raised £349 at their staff PJ day on Friday. . . #thankyou #thanks #donation #volunteer #volunteering #babyloss #babylossawareness #stillbirth #stillborn #latemiscarriage #stillbornstillloved #neonataldeath #infantloss #childloss
Our #mortality is a ticking clock. The days are long but the years are short. Some moments stretch into eternity and other seem so fleeting you wonder if they ever really happened. But I don’t know one bereaved parent that doesn’t wish (over and over and over again) that they had the power to defy our mortality and turn the clock back. Even just for one more moment. 💛 Day 23 of our #captureyourgrief project for #babylossawareness month 💛
Little feet so close to your heart 💛
Day 23: Mortality As it had taken an agonising time for us to conceive, we were aware of the risk of miscarriage. We were grateful to be pregnant & I promised myself I would not moan throughout the 40weeks. We were concerned when problems started but we were reassured “you’ll be fine, there’s only a 2% risk at this stage of pregnancy”. That’s a higher risk that being hit by lightening but lower than more diseases or conditions that people fear. We are now in that statistic. *Baby Showers* These pretentious gatherings have always made me uneasy as they tempt fate. This is pregnant ladies thinking their baby is immortal. A Kardashian even had cherry blossom at her shower- a symbol I now see associated with babyloss. #babyshower #captureyourgrief2018 #stillbirth #stillborn #miscarriageawareness #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #babyloss #mortality #immortalbaby
Tonight I went for dinner with a friend. A friend that gets it. Sometimes it’s all you need. Someone who can listen and understand, help you laugh at the most inappropriate things and share the crazy journey that is life after loss. All the #empathy here and feeling so much brighter as I head home this evening 💛 Day 22 for #captureyourgrief project for #babylossawareness month 💛
This beautiful book has been created to help share how important photographs are to students and health professionals when delivering bereavement care. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is our first version and we will soon be collating photographs for our second version due to be printed January 2019. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The book is used on our training days and for those that families that choose to include consent for photos to be shared more widely, the books will also be available for trusts to use as part of their own training and for other parents to access should they want to. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you would like your baby to feature in our book, please email us with the subject ‘memory book’ to firstname.lastname@example.org for a consent form - there is no obligation to provide images if you do email. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The photographs can be any of your choosing from full length images to feet/ hands.
Day 22: Empathy The difference between sympathy & empathy is to imagine it’s happened to you. 💙👣 I often want to say “have you actually imagined if your son died in the womb?” But it feels nasty. Actually is it nasty- you only have to imagine it for a minute then open your eyes & your son is still there. I know people who have imagined, who have researched babyloss before they came to see us, who have imagined the pain were going through. This is empathy. Sympathy is upset, disappointment at our misfortune. Giving advice before listening. 👂 Silver lining is related to sympathy- trying to make it all better. At least.... “At least he didn’t die when he was a toddler..” “At least he wasn’t born with disabilities...” but you can’t make the situation better. Listen 👂 to the person’s story & acknowledge it. Empathy will help you not say the wrong thing. 💞 Brené Brown on Empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw #dontbestrongbehuman #stillborn #stillbirth #empathy #sympathy #empathyvssympathy #grief #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #caringquotes #listendontspeak #babyloss #babylossawareness #ttc #infertility #captureyourgrief2018
#myths for project #captureyourgrief for #babylossawareness month. . It’s a myth that the hardest thing in the world is giving birth to your baby knowing they will never cry, never take a breath or that they will not live for long after they are born. In fact, in that moment you will find a strength that you never knew you had. When you meet your baby you will feel euphoria and a depth of love that you never knew you were capable of feeling. Your heart will swell with immense pride at what you have created. There may even be a moment of pure happiness, caught for a split second when you forget what will come and simply reflect on the baby you have birthed and now hold in your arms. Perfect in every way and peacefully sleeping. Your son or daughter forever. No it’s a myth that giving birth to a still born baby or a baby who you know will not survive is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. The hardest thing will be when you have to make yourself put one foot in front of the other and walk out of hospital with empty arms. That is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. But the memory of that love will stay with you even in the darkest moments that follow and in the end love is stronger than grief 💛
No better way to end the day then with a visit to our boy with some fresh flowers 💙🌹 #babyloss #latemiscarriage #Sands #memorialgarden #bereavement #grievingparents #vilomah #love #percytheodoredeane #neverforgotten #alwaysloved #lillies #whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #autumn #october
This week #grief has caught me by surprise. I had a two day #midwives mandatory study day and took myself out of the bereavement bit because I figured it would upset me. But the bit that really got me? The #breastfeeding portion. All of a sudden it hit me that we should have been preparing for a new baby right now and it got me right in the sad feels. If you live with grief you know this. #justkeepswimming @hallmondkt thanks for the shoulder. #griefsupport #griefjourney #latemiscarriage #pregnancyloss
Day 21: Myths These are all not true & hurt when I read them. Not everything happens for a reason, some things that happen are not related to our choices. These are believed by people who are lucky enough not to have been thrown cruelly into a deep hole. #shitlifequotes #lifequotes #family #love #work #happiness #stillborn #stillbirth #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #loveyourself #captureyourgrief2018
Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die. Mary Elizabeth Fry on #death for our #captureyourgrief project as part of #babylossawareness month 💛
A little #autumnal afternoon stroll @queenelizabethcountrypark #postnightshift hence my ghastly pale complexion Unfortunately Dave has been poorly this week but in true Dave style he is cracking on and will still be running the #greatsouthrun tomorrow in honour of our son Percy and all babies sadly lost too soon. I am so proud of him, he has been an incredible support to me, especially during my darkest days and he is the most amazing father to Percy 💙 I know he will do us all proud tomorrow xx Go Dave!! Go #teamsands #sandscharity #babyloss #latemiscarriage #percytheodoredeane #saytheirnames #bereavement #grievingparents #love #parentingwithemptyarms #simplyhealthgreatsouthrun
#childofmine #babyloss #babylossawareness #blaw2018 #wishesinthewild . . . #miscarriageawarenessmonth #miscarriagesupport #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #ttcaftermiscarriage #miscarriage #lifeaftermiscarriage #miscarriagetattoo #miscarriagequotes #miscarriagemomma #miscarriageandinfantloss #pregnantaftermiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #latemiscarriage #miscarriagesurvivor #missedmiscarriage #miscarriages #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagesucks #miscarriageandinfantlossawareness #earlymiscarriage #miscarriagematters #ihadamiscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #miscarriagejourney
Today Isabella’s mummy has been brave enough to share her story and thoughts on #learn for our #captureyourgrief project as part of #babylossawareness month. . “2 years ago today we learnt that our tiny baby girl had passed away. At 23 weeks of pregnancy we were soon to learn what that meant, that we'd be bringing our angel baby into the world a few days later. We soon learnt how strong we were both individually and as a couple, taking it in turns to react, one of us holding it together to talk and listen to the doctors whilst the other broke down in tears. We were terrified of what we were about to face, delivering a baby is scary enough, but knowing that you won't ever hear that baby at the end of the delivery makes it all the more painful. When the day came we learnt that the room wasn't the clinical hospital room we imagined but a peaceful, homely room with a smiling midwife to greet us. Nothing could make this experience nice but the facilities, staff and their knowledge certainly helped make it nicer. On 22nd October 2016 we met our precious angel and named her Isabella Jean. We spent a day with our beautiful girl and family were able to come and meet her too-we took lots of photos of her and of us together. Since that day 2 years ago we have learnt how to begin to cope with our grief, with the support of amazing families, Sands and Choices we have slowly been able to begin to accept how what happened to Isabella changed us, both, separately and together. We have learnt that some of our closest friends have 'lost' their babies too and never spoke about it! We have learnt how important it is for us to share, to talk to people who have been through similar, to talk about how we feel, to get help when needed and most importantly talk about our little girl, who was made with love, who had a life inside of her Mummy's tummy and who will never be forgotten! We learnt that talking is important and that people are more than willing to listen!!! We are always learning, learning new ways to cope, new ways to share, new ways to talk, and new ways to remember our precious little angel.” 💛
Moving on is so hard. I don’t know how to not be pregnant. Resting my hands on my tummy and feeling you there has become a habit that brought me so much joy. Now I’m just flat and empty. #miscarriage #latemiscarriage #miscarriageawareness #pregnacyandinfantlossawareness #grievingparents #loss #grief
HOME SWEET HOME | Aaaaaand we are home. He's still bunged up, he's still congested, he's still building up his milk (and food) intake, but he is happier, healthier and home where he should be. It transpires that Tommy has Broncholitis brought on by "Para influenza 4". He also has haemophilus influenzae which we now have anti biotics for. The poor lad has really suffered. However, he is on the mend, I managed my "Deja vu" trauma (see previous post) and we got home today. Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes. We all feel very blessed and loved. (Feet, husbands own) #kindofabriggsdeal #mummyblogger #familyblogger #parentingblogger #scottishblogger #scottishbordersblogger #bordersblogger #babylossblogger #babyloss #lifeafterbabyloss #parentingafterloss #tttssurvivor #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome #prematurebaby #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #parentingtwo #twinlesstwin #survivingtwin #stillbirth #latemiscarriage #miscarriage #eptopicpregnancy #joestoes #joestoesfund #breakthesilence #togetherforchange #olympuspen8
Please spread the word If you are free with helping hands we .. ..Are looking for people to help set up @ 1pm on the day ..Need #raffle #prizes ..Need people to bake #cakes to sell (pink & blue theme would be great) #WeoleyCastle #BabyLoss #BLAW2018 #BLAW #latemiscarriage #pregnancyloss #miscarriage #molarpregnancy #ectopicpregnancy #secondtrimesterloss #community #awareness #volunteer #volunteers
Day 19: Learn These images are from ‘Child of Mine’ on channel4 last night. What did you learn from this programme? (Id love to hear some thoughts) #childofmine #newborn #stillbirth #stillborn #stillbirthawareness #miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #sands #channel4 #latemiscarriage #childbirth #happyfamily #ultrasound #grief #captureyourgrief2018
Feedback from our recent full day at Harrogate District Hospital with guest parent speaker @pine_cones_and_study_days
Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS but she IS NOT all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity. 👼💕 #GriefSucks
For anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss pre 24weeks. We offer a safe and supportive environment where you can share your experiences without judgement. Working together we offer support, guidance & strategies when dealing with the myriad of emotions following pregnancy loss. #pregnancyloss #peersupport #birminghamuk #birmingham #brum #sellyoak #bournville #stirchley #ectopicpregnancy #molarpregnancy #miscarriage #tfmr #secondtrimesterloss #latemiscarriage #fastloss
“When my baby was stillborn, I was devastated but I was also totally delighted with her. #joy still came to me at my darkest time, alongside the grief”. This is a detail from a painting by Louise McClary for our #captureyourgrief project as part of #babylossawareness month 💛
💙👣💖Rest In Heaven Beautiful Soul's💖👣💙 #pregnancyandinfantlossawarenessday #latemiscarriage #pregnancyandinfantlossawareness #pregnancyandinfantlossawarenessmonth #missyouquotes #loveyou #lovelosssurvival 😢❤#imoneinfour #imstillamom #lakieshachavondeloatch #restinpeacemommysgirls 💕💕💕 #Lakiya #Andrea #Deandra #heavencouldntwaitforyou 💖👣💙
Extremely pleased to announce that our pin badges are now available to buy via our website! These badges help to support us and raise awareness!
Thoughts for Thursday...Choice ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When families attend ordinarily at any point in their care they are offered choices. Whether they want to have maternity care, where they want to access care, whether they want bloods taking, what screening options they want, whether they want to attend antenatal classes, how they choose to deliver, if induction is required, analgesia options, birth plans, consent for procedures, whether they accept vitamin K, will they choose for their baby to be vaccinated. The list continues. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So why when a baby dies do so many options seem to often be removed? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If someone experiences a stillbirth/ termination/ tfmr/ compassionate induction, they’re still entitled to choice. A birth plan is a birth plan regardless of outcome, be an advocate for families and help them feel empowered to create choices and decisions. If you’re in this position, please be assured that you are fully entitled to choices too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When families experience loss due to a neonatal death/ SIDS, you still have options to spend time with your baby, you shouldn’t be rushed, you should be given time and you should be given somewhere appropriate to have this time. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are so many choices out there, the list could run on, but just ensure that as a professional you give these choices, give options and empower those you care for and be a kind, compassionate professional. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you’re a parent/ family member/ friend, as much as it’s hard to know your choices and make decisions at these horrific times, please know you’re fully entitled to them and you do not need permission to be entitled to these choices. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Always remember to offer a full package of choices, regardless of what you may think the answer will be - allow families to decide what is the right choice for them, this is their baby. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Did you feel advocated for? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Were you offered choices? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Would you have done things differently if you felt like you had more choices?
My candel from @achingarmsuk Remembering all those precious babies who we never got to meet, those born silently and those that sadly couldn't stay. #blaw18 #waveoflight #babyloss #babylossawareness #babylossawareness2018 #wishesinthewild . . . #miscarriageawarenessmonth #miscarriagesupport #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #ttcaftermiscarriage #miscarriage #lifeaftermiscarriage #miscarriagetattoo #miscarriagequotes #miscarriagemomma #miscarriageandinfantloss #pregnantaftermiscarriage #miscarriageassociation #latemiscarriage #miscarriagesurvivor #missedmiscarriage #miscarriages #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagesucks #miscarriageandinfantlossawareness #earlymiscarriage #miscarriagematters #ihadamiscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #miscarriagejourney